It doesn’t lift, nip or tuck. It is the single most unattractive garment.
Unless you’re 2, but even that’s no excuse.
Who wants to see lumps and bumps, twinkles and nipples? Not me. Lycra, ban it.
Stretched to the max, it doesn’t sculpt or shape. Men in particular, red speedos are an abhorrent blight upon the eye. No matter the body type, there’s a function for that part of a man’s anatomy, and it is certainly not for decoration.
Women too, shame on you, our grandmothers gave us the revolutionary sculpting 50’s bathing suits, and yet we’ve replaced them with an itsy bitsy teenie weenie riding up bikini.
It is God awful.
Not only did I have to suffer the pee ridden pool on another wet and windy summer’s day but I was aghast at the spectacles, or was it the testicles.
Laid bare for all to see, Lycra hugs all the wrong places, serving them up on a dish.
And, as if I didn’t have enough to cope with this long summer without all this bollocks.
© Felicity Fox