Tag Archives: Love

In and out

FelicityFox
The nurses huddle around their station clasping their cups, nattering quietly. In and out, the sound of her breath; still and rhythmic as her bird’s chest moves up and down. Watching and waiting. Silence descends. I hold on to every breath, willing her to take another, in and out. Her chest rises and falls, slowly pushing up again, holding on.

Round and round I go outside the washhouse at 46b Storrie Street, just below the flats, where houses are built on houses. Not like ours, where there is no sharing. The green lawn is stretched out in a square stopping from tenement to tenement, each are dark and grey. The concrete slabs in the middle of the green, away from the shadows of the trees is a perfect flat patch for riding.

“Again Rose, again, that’s it.”
“Hold the bars straight, straighten up will you or you’re going to fall.”

Even then she was old; widowed. She was on her own. She wasn’t from these parts, her pursed lips and quick words gave it away. Her wool skirt sat below her knees, she wore sensible brown court shoes, the kind grannies wear, and her Arran cardigan hugged her broad shoulders. She was stronger than any of the others. She had more secrets. Her hands grabbed the seat as she pushed me off on the path as the wind slapped my face. I steered into it, again and again. Clasping the handlebars and trying to steer, not to fall under the weight of the heavy, thick metal bars. She’d bought it from the shop. Her shop where she unpacked and re-shelved the bags left on the doorstep. The bike belonged to another. The seat was too high, but I’d get good use out of it, and the wheels, a little stiff, Dad would oil these. The colour wasn’t mine either.

“Her breathing is getting heavy, Mum.”
Long and slow, she clung on. Mum can’t hear me as she’s watching hers. Holding every breath, in and out, I follow her lead, waiting for the next exhalation. It’s slow and hard to hold on as I gasp to follow her. In and out, she slowly makes it like the one before. I’ve never listened this intently or waited this patiently. I’ve never held her. Curled in the bed, she lies to one side. Small and frail, and waiting. Her hands clasp under her head with beads entwined around her fingers. Her long limbs tucked beneath her and her broad shoulders huddle into her chest. Her hips poke from beneath the white sheets, while the monitors bleep in and out. A drip hangs from her vein and she clasps what’s hidden in her hand. She’s waiting and when I call her name, she hears me. Trying to speak, I silence her with shushes.

“Again, come on, do it again.”
“No point doing half a job, Rose. Again.”
“That’s it, steady yourself and for goodness sake, straighten yourself up.”

I leaned to the left, then quickly to the right, steadying myself.
I’m doing it, I call.
“Concentrate!”
“You’re an awful one for not concentrating.”
“If you fall off and scrape your knees, your mother wouldn’t be happy. You’ve got a feis today.”
“I’ve got it, Nanny.”
“See!”

“I love you, please wait.”
She’s slowing down. Her breathe is slower, shallower. I can’t hear her.
“Do you think she can hear me, mum?”
“Do you think she’s still here?”
“Gran, it’s Rose. I’m here.”

Advertisements

And the Oscar goes to…

It’s the 86th Academy Awards, I’m never going to watch the films or the speeches for that matter, but the dresses, the dresses…

And the Oscar goes to…

Very

 

 

 

 

 

Very – the Forever Unique Printed Maxi Dress, £220

Nude and blue printed jersey maxi dress with twist back and wrap waistband detail. This is very unique, showing off your wild side Gwen Stefani style.

 

Very_2

 

 

 

 

 

Very – Key Fashion Princess Dress, £319

Hollywood glamour on the red carpet. The sweetheart neck and embellished bodice will ensure you are a vintage screen siren.

 

 

Coast

 

 

 

 

 

Coast debenhams exclusive – ri ri maxi dress, £220

A folded satin bodice and glamorous all-over sequin skirt make the Ri Ri maxi dress perfect for making an entrance at your next glamorous event.
Oscars 2014
Oscars 2014
Love Felicity Fox
x

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In my head, I’m in Paris

In my head, I’m in ParisWe'll always have Paris

Can you have it all?

I have a lot but then that depends on who you’re comparing me with.  I love what I have. I admit though, that I’m forever peering over my shoulder, looking for what’s out there. This is a very hard thing to do in my country because at this time of year, it’s heads down and hoods up. It’s freezing and to paraphrase a great Scottish saying, it would freeze the balls off a brass monkey. That sums up the weather for me.

Keeping a positive outlook when you’re shivering head to toe is difficult. But that is not my reality. In my head, I’m in Paris. Even when I’m dragged to my local McDonalds, I’m imagining a chic Paris cafe, ignoring the reality of the fabricated Legoland around me.

I just picture Facebook or Bragbook. And I do like a bit of bragging. I’ve cubs, I can’t help it. They are my greatest success stories. You don’t even need to travel these days. Facebook has a plethora of adventures and I’m relying on these on a wet and windy day in my homeland to get me through the drudgery.

I don’t have it all, but I’m certainly doing it all. It struck me today as I did the first school run; then ran, actually drove, but it felt like running, to university to sit through two hours of employment law, bla bla bla, hurry up! I have another pick up at one. Dash to pick up number two son, before number one son needs collecting; write copy for client; make orders for Felicity Fox; do complex primary one homework; go to McDonalds (it’s healthier than my cooking, don’t judge me); read a chapter, words on a page; write a blog about it all.

Whilst I was mid-moan, Mr Fox interjected to tell me I wasn’t the only one with a frantic schedule. And it got me thinking. I’m not, I know this. But I was the only female in a leading consultancy, in a predominately female workforce, to have children, apart from the boss. She had a child and that never stopped her rising to the top of her profession. But notably, there were no rising mothers behind her.

There are a few of us at law school with children, I think. But it’s not the ideal place to have children. I mean, do you ever see them on Campus or in the Library? It may be a leading University but in this place children are neither seen nor heard.

It’s not about having it all, it’s about doing it all and “we’ll always have Paris.”

 

My Everything

Shining bright you are a sparkler in the night,

Watching on, I glimpse into your childhood tonight.

Bright you are,

Loved are you,

You are my everything.

Will you remember how we watched the night sky?

Or how you radiate in my arms.

My son, I will know.

And when the time comes for you to dart into the night,

I will remember the 5th of November.

You, my everything.